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Joke of the Day

"So my doctor told me I need to stop eating so much... But I don't think I can just quit eating cold turkey."

"Head says ""Forget about her."" Heart says ""Tell her u love her."" Bottle of whisky says""Ride the cat around the house & you'll feel better."""

"why are clothes so expensive???? i should not have to pay this much to not be naked. people should pay ME to not be naked"

"Is Vanilla Ice's son named Vanilla Extract? Cuz he should be."

"What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country."

"Why did the pasta chef take his car into the body shop? Cause it got al dente'd up!"

"Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for a bad summer."

"Do you think a contortionist would go on a date with me? Even if I couldn't fit in her box?"

"Its ironic that the gay club was called ""pulse""... As 50 people didn't have one after the shooting"

"What do you say to your girlfriend with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice."