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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the woman who replaced her addiction to ornithology with alcohol? She was described as being off her tits."

"Not saying dogs are better than kids in every aspect; but good luck finding a kid willing to lick up his own vomit."

"Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today & I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying ""curiosity was here"""

"Are you an elixir? Because you made my PP go up."

"""Sugar"" is the only word in the English language where ""su-"" makes a ""sh"" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure..."

"What do you call an Iraqi bodybuilder? A Mosul man"

"Whenever I'm sad I remember that Ryan Seacrest tried to high-five a blind guy. Then I feel better about myself."

"How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man? (pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)"

"What turns you on the most? Water. It makes me wet instantly."

"What do you call a helpful potato? A Facilitater"