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Joke of the Day

"If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction."

"Fuck! I forgot to bring my reusable bag to Whole Foods. People are throwing rocks. I'm bleeding. Send help."

"I thought a drone was the sound women make when you're trying to watch the game?"

"Government shutdown day 7: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever."

"Anyone else here able to spell ""condescending narcissist"" correctly on the first try? Yeah, I didn't think so."

"Clinton's blue firewall... About as secure as her private email server."

"What's a skydiver's favorite spice? Ground cumin! As long as they aren't running out of thyme."

"I wonder be sad when Gabe Newell dies. He'll rise from the dead in three days."

"I just smoked so much pot that I tried to order one of the dishes of food off the scrolling instagram menu."

"Why do Cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose."