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Joke of the Day

"Q: Mom why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment dear."

"[hs reunion] JANE: i'm an engineer TOM: i'm a real estate developer AMY: i'm a lawyer *everyone looks at me* ME: *panics* i'm a hospital"

"Day 16,607: Still not stuck on a deserted island, and beginning to lose hope"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. That's a man's job."

"""Ok, imagine a fleshlight, but full of food."" - Hot Pocket sales pitch"

"I was going to make my friend some spaghetti made from milk protein... But sadly he pasta whey."

"What is the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating? Your ears"

"Unemployed goal day 37: slide across random car hoods action movie style. And then run like someone is chasing me."

"I like my women just like my wine 10 years old and locked in the cellar."

"Good morning beautiful breasts of my neighbor. How did you get inside these binoculars?"