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Joke of the Day
"When i'm hungry I eat food."
Next Joke
".@espn ugh all u ever tweet about is sports"
"If I ever have a stroke I'm going to tell kids that stare I was making a face when the wind changed and then I had a stroke."
"Stop being so hard on yourself. You don't have to be a complete idiot. Just be the best idiot you can be."
"If a blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would stop for directions!"
"[Security breach at Wayne manor] BRUCE: *brooding darkly* ALFRED: The back door is literally just a waterfall"
"Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, ""Dam."""
"When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee"
"What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin? Evo-lotion."
"What did the drunk say when his boss enquired about his availability? Yeah, I'm av**ale**able."