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Joke of the Day

"If a blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would stop for directions!"

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"What is the definition of irony? Having a democratic debate in a city that was destroyed by over 50 years of democratic rule."
"Why does doctor pepper come in a can? Because his wife is dead"
"""Daaaaaaaaaaaad, what should I do with this industrial roll of bubble wrap?"" ""Just pop it in the corner please"" It took me 2 hours."
"Took and Ambien and a Viagra at the same time again. Im finding it hard to sleep."
"Tourette's convention rally What do we want?! A CURE FOR TOURETTE!! When do we want it?! CUNT! SHIT! FUCK!"
"""One mans trash is another mans treasure"" Is a good quote... But apparently its not the best way to tell your kid he's adopted."
"Hit snooze until the panic sets in."
"My FedEx guy knocks on the door like his son is dying and I'm the town doctor."
"Bras are like the illuminati They're on top, hard to see, harder to unlock, and hold all the good stuff."