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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told twice."

"Boss: I thought I said no costumes this week. Me: These are my clothes."

"I walked into an explosives shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card. It all went horribly wrong when the cashier asked for my pin."

"Revere rides a horse saying ""The British are Coming""and it's heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming ""look at me""and it's probation?"

"Going to a wedding today: Me: Do I look ok boys? 6: You look fine. 9: You look wow. Clearly I have work to do with the little one."

"He'd make the best firefighter. My friend is the absolute worst at snappy comebacks I guess you could say he's flame retardant."

"Freedom Knock Knock Joke ""Knock knock"" ""who's there"" ""freedom"" ""freedom who?"" ""Just kidding, freedom doesn't knock freedom rings"""

"Seems to me the guy who named sneakers was up to no good."

"Pity Poor Peter I feel sorry for my friend Peter. His hair's a mess. His family's nuts. His neighbor's an asshole. On bad days, his girlfriend's a c---. And his owner beats him. EDIT: Punctuation."

"I clocked this beautiful woman earlier. I'll probably never see her againit was a pretty big clock."