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Joke of the Day

"He'd make the best firefighter. My friend is the absolute worst at snappy comebacks I guess you could say he's flame retardant."

Next Joke
 
"I don't want to brag, but when I take my clothes off... the shower gets turned on."
"You don't need to hold a girl's hand during an abortion... There's a handrail next to the toilet."
"Me: Take my pic *hands him camera & giggles* Him: What's funny? Me: Nothing. Him: *presses button, explodes, dies* Me: Ha! Photo bombed!"
"Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So they can park in the handicapped spot."
"What is the bounciest place in France? The dordogne."
"What happened when Justin Bieber went to Michael Jackson's house? Nothing, Michael liked boys."
"When life gives you financial troubles... Make Financialade."
"If you guys don't start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don't make me ruin this for everyone."
"What does socialism smell like? It has a Bernie smell."