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Joke of the Day

"What they don't tell you about bathing in the blood of your enemies is your body hair is a light magenta for like the next 3 or 4 days. Ugh."

"Wife: Who let the boys out? Me: Woof woof woof! Her: Who let the boys out?! Me: Woof woof woof! Her: KIDS ARE IN THE STREET! Me: I'm going.."

"Why did the Jonestown jokes never catch on? The punchlines were too long."

"woke up to a tap on the door this morning had to call the plumber in to remove it"

"What do you call a naked blond standing on her hands? A brunette with bad breath."

"Scientists have finally discovered the secret of longevity of hedgehogs... ...It turns out, there is no secret. They don't even live that long."

"What did the Irishman say about Batman and Superman's fathers? They were both Martha Fockers"

"My favourite Haiku Space is limited In a haiku, so it's hard To finish what you"

"What do you call it when someone shoots a group of fish in a barrel? A school shooting"

"Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs"