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Joke of the Day

"What did the Irishman say about Batman and Superman's fathers? They were both Martha Fockers"

"What do you call a cheap circumcision?? A rip off"

"I threw up in a porta potty at a Winger concert back in 88' .... We did not have the internet back then so I'm telling you now."

"A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame."

"""WTF IS THIS?!?!"" dad demands as he looks at my report card. I explain to him the idea of schooling and grading systems and he calms down."

"-I got you a birthday present... ...but I can't give it to you until tomorrow. -What is it? -It rhymes with 'Something to get drunk with'."

"piss me off and I'll put you on my kid's school fundraiser mailing lists"

"If people say that love finds you... Then I must be Waldo."

"sometimes i remember i was part of the nsa hack back in spring / that all my data is currently floating around china and i'm like ""cool"""

"I almost had a threesome last night... Just needed two more people."