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Joke of the Day

"Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs"

"I fell down a deep dark whole yesterday I could not see that well"

"Q: Why didn't Count Dracula get married? A: He wanted to remain a bat-chelor."

"How does Steven Hawking refresh after a long work day? F5 (sorry Imgoingtohellforthis)"

"Oh please! Merkel: ""Alexis, I don't think you Greeks understand the seriousness of your debt situation..."" Tsipras: ""Oh please....you really should give us a bit more credit."""

"Current adult status: Just got into a heated debate about whether or not Merida from Brave is a Disney princess. I won. She is not."

"A Rabbi, a lawyer, and a Priest are on a sinking ship. The Rabbi says, ""Save the children!"" The lawyer says ""Fuck the children!"" ... The Priest says, ""Do we have time?"""

"What sport does the kool-aid man play? Baseball; he's a pitcher."

"What do you call a man who is too proud of his balls ? Ego-Testicle."

"What flavor do termites like best? Chair-y"