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Joke of the Day

"How does the redneck's wife know that her daughter is pregnant? her son's dick tastes like shit."

"""He's more scared of you than you are of him"" - Girl coaching her friend into talking to me"

"I heard the Spanish were trying to make a drug out of kinetic energy... Be careful though, because you could get an Mv^2 overdose."

"*zips up tent* [Wife]: What happened [Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh.. *flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear"

"Guys, I know Charlie Sheen isn't winning right now. But at least he's positive."

"How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One to generate a ""ChangeLightBulb"" event to the socket."

"What does eating an old lady out taste like? Depends."

"What do you call a grammar Nazi in 2016? An alt-writer."

"My son asked me to get a tartan shirt for his birthday. So far I've only got him the prostitute."

"What car do polite cowboys drive? Audi!"