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Joke of the Day

"I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, ""Oi, what's your disability?"" I said, ""Tourettes! Now fuck off!"""

"This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I'm pretending to add it to my contacts"

"According to my gym trainer, I need to cut back on drinking According to my bartender, I look great Moral of the story: I'm drunk"

"Want to hear a joke? Youtube's Copyright System"

"What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You can only milk a cow for 10 years."

"How many vowels are in the word 'vowel'? Four. O, double-u and e."

"What do you call your Mexican crush? Juan Andonle"

"I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor."

"*watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*"

"What is atheism? A non-prophet organisation."