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Joke of the Day

"According to my gym trainer, I need to cut back on drinking According to my bartender, I look great Moral of the story: I'm drunk"

"ISSUE: is the road runner wile e coyote's son FOR: thhey, seem to respect each other, on some level AGAINST: one of them is a dog"

"Anywhere but here. Where does the punchline of a joke go?"

"Why did the man's kidneys fail? They didn't study."

"3 potatoes are in a corner. How do you know which one is the prostitute? You look at the one with the sticker that says, I DA HO."

"How many light bulbs does it take to change a Jew? Trick question- ovens don't run on light bulbs."

"Can humans justify anything? Obviously not, just look at Adam Sandler's career."

"[watches you eat my bday cake] ""I've poisoned that."" ""Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?"" [leans in & winks] ""Poison."""

"I have a love-hate relationship with my wife... I love her, she hates me! Ho-ho!"

"I can't come into work today *cough* I'm really sick. ""Do I hear Mario Kart in the background?"" *hangs up*"