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Joke of the Day

".@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven."

"Where do man-splainers get their water? From a well, actually..."

"Why do engineering students call themselves engineers? You don't hear a law student call themselves a lawyer, or a gender studies student call themselves a barista."

"Sorry I got us kicked out of your niece's dance recital for blowing my airhorn too much"

"I went to a metal concert, the singer was a bit ill... Still fuckin' sick though!"

"A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. ""Which side is it best to lie on?"" she asked. ""The side that pays your fee"" replied the doctor."

"Wanna hear a joke about unemployed people? Nevermind, they don't work."

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, it would be a chicken sedan"

"2016: ""Yeah right, Trump isn't going to get elected."" 2017: ""Yeah right, Trump isn't going to put that policy into place."" 2018: ""Might as well tune into the Hunger Games tonight..."""

"Going to get a facial today... this guy on Craigslist is offering a way lower price than the salon!"