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Joke of the Day

"A girl gave me a dirty look for holding the door... Sheez, I'll never hold the door for them again especially when I have to piss badly."

"You know I'm glad there are women in the world... Otherwise life would be a pain in the ass."

"How do Amish guys know if its a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?"

"I've seen enough episodes of ""Cops"" to know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces."

"You can tell how important a thing is by if there's a cheese of it: string, important; mars, not important; blue, important; democracy, not"

"Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova? Caesar said:""I came, I saw, I conquered."" Casanova said:""I saw, I conquered, I came."""

"If anyone ever tells you they've lost their voice They're lying."

"My pet deer was addicted to painkillers after surgery so I tried to send her to rehab..... .... but I didn't have the doe"

"What do you call fireworks that don't work? Fireunemployed."

"How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away its USB cable."