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Joke of the Day

"You know I'm glad there are women in the world... Otherwise life would be a pain in the ass."

"You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!"

"What do you call a hot girl with no legs? Disabled."

"They say it takes a whole village to raise a child That must be a really fat kid"

"ME: my ideal first date? well to me it dosent matter wat we do as long as we share a conection JOB INTERVIEWER: i meant how soon can u start"

"I went into the library and asked if they had a copy of the book, ""How to spot a lady-boy"". He said, ""I'm sure we do, it's probably tucked away somewhere"". I said ""That's the one""."

"I would like to think money won't change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil."

"I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster."

"What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now."

"I understand the face situation but you don't have to be ugly on the inside too"