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Joke of the Day

"When my wife got her tongue pierced I asked her why? She said To enhanthe the thektual thimulation."

"""WAIT!"" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added ""TUBE"" so yeah, God exists."

"If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit."

"How do you get four old ladies to shout ""Fuck""? Get the fifth one to yell, ""Bingo!"""

"What did Buddha say to the Pizza guy? ""Make me one with everything."""

"""I guess we should make them sound like a space shuttle is taking off during an a-bomb explosion."" -person who invented hand dryers"

"[French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff"

"You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes - why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?"

"""Jiro dreams of sushi"" is one of the most popular Netflix documentary's What's the least popular documentary? Jiro nightmares of assrape"

"Stevie wonder just got divorced. Bet he didn't see that one coming."