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Joke of the Day

"[French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff"

"you can tell im drunk by the number of made-up words i concoctulate"

"It was hard to come to terms with the death of my wife, but eventually the assassin and I agreed on a fee."

"Why did dwarf laugh when he walked through a paddock? Because the grass tickled his willy :)"

"Momma bird: welcome to the world! Baby bird: thx! M: for the next few months instead of food, I'ma just throw up in your mouth. B: wait what"

"I'm just a regular guy, putting on my Capri pants 3/4 leg at a time."

"Where does a dog go when he loses his tail? A retail store."

"Yes, people who exercise live longer. But those extra years are spent...umm...excercising!"

"One day Eddie Vedder and Bob Dylan got into an argument. nobody knows why."

"""No one cares about the jews"" ""Yeah, they do"" ""No they don't. During the holocaust i killed 3 jews and one clown"" ""Why one clown?"" ""See? No one cares about the jews"""