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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when one guy demands that another guy go to the movies and give him a hand job? A mandate"

"Shot through the heart and you're to blame. You give archers who shoot apples off of people's heads a bad name."

"Captain Ahab is like G.W. Bush They're both violent men that have a revenge fantasy against a cheap source of oil."

"I found out that middle age is were you finally get your head together and then your body starts falling apart"

"I asked the barista for a Nyquilatte. He was really hairy, like a werewolf. A ""wereista"" if you will. I may have already had some Nyquil."

"Did you hear about the Kidnapping? Don't worry, he woke up"

"I got a fishing pole for my wife I thought it was a pretty good trade."

"i need a reasonably paying job. something like $6,000 an hour, nothing too wild."

"A priest, black man, and a Jew walk into a bar And the bartender says ""What is this a joke?"""

"What does a sign on a out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we're closed."