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Joke of the Day

"Shot through the heart and you're to blame. You give archers who shoot apples off of people's heads a bad name."

"I got 99 problems but I'm avoiding them all."

"I should've been a child star so I could've gotten all my working out of the way and been an accomplished drug addict by now."

"I don't know what the thickness limit on the office laminator is, but I'm sure as fuck not stopping until I have a waterproof cat."

"what nation do most people not want to be in? urination"

"The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020. That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III."

"Think I nailed my job interview today because I wore a graduation cap to make it look like I graduated high school"

"Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank.... I have no words right now to describe how angry I am."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! But don't ask me how they got inside there."

"Young boy: Mommy, Mommy I can't stop spinning in circles! Mommy: Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor too!"