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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked if I would spend a month away from her for 5000 dollars. It's tempting, but I don't think I can afford it."

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"Kids these days be like.. Hashtag, you're it"
"What do you call a vampire that eats period blood? Count Snatchula"
"What's the difference between an oyster shucker with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits and the other fucks between shits."
"if anyone has reason for these two not to wed, speak now or forever hold y- [brides dad stands up] ""SHE BRUSHES HER TEETH WITH HOT WATER"""
"When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day."
"I FEEL SO ALIVE MCDONALD'S IS GIVING AWAY FREE COFFEE I PASSED 20 MCDONALD'S TODAY DO THE MATH TOO LATE I DID THE MATH SLEEP IS FOR MORTALS"
"Teacher: in this class you should love logarithms. Student: what if they don't reciprocate? Sorry for the bad math joke... but it was just too good."
"""Your former crush likes this thing"" ""Your former crush likes this thing"" ""Your former crush likes this thing"" -Facebook"
"How do trees access the internet? They log on"
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