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Joke of the Day

"At the job interview... Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in three years? Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision"

"I told a very average joke in the cheese aisle today. The crowd went mild."

"She got a big booty so I call her Ashley because that's her real name and I don't objectify women."

"I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me. At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse."

"How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? Nobody knows because they've never tried"

"[interview] So what's a personal strength? ""Honesty."" And a failing? ""I murder people who don't hire me."""

"The Catholic Church is selling bath bombs! *puts Jesus Christ limited edition bath bomb into water* *water turns into wine* Thank u Jesus"

"When a family member unexpectedly dies what's the proper waiting period before removing their stick figure from the back of the minivan??"

"""Nine Foods You Should Never Eat Again"" Also known as the contents of my refrigerator."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."