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Joke of the Day

"I recently bought a spinning chair... My girlfriend was super pissed about my purchase. Until I let her sit on it. I guess you could say she... *came around*."

"I got my dog a tinder... He loves chasing pussy"

"I saw a sausage fly by my window I must be going insane it was actually a bird. I think I've taken a Tern for the Wurst"

"I once saw a real bear in the wild and said ""Aww, look at him!"" What I'm saying is, don't turn to me for practical thinking in an emergency."

"I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you're mistaken ...its pronounced sexy."

"One sweet thing about being the boss in the office is that you can actually order specific supplies you want to steal."

"Facebook buys Instagram for one billion?!? Idiots!! They could have downloaded it from the app store for .99 cents.."

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the ""P"" is silent"

"My son's default mode is ""protester being dragged out of a political rally."""

"I just realized Alaska has some really weird city names Did Juneau that?"