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Joke of the Day

"I once saw a real bear in the wild and said ""Aww, look at him!"" What I'm saying is, don't turn to me for practical thinking in an emergency."

"Judging by the tweets, you guys all lead really interesting lies"

"Having trouble focusing because I watched a man use a key as a Q-tip on the subway today."

"Weed is the answer... .. when your parents tells you to be the highest among the rest of the students in your class."

"Have you tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they"

"Walking with our phones, we all look like Star Trek crew members trying to get a life form reading on an uncharted planet."

"""Billie Jean"" is probably my favorite song about someone named Billie Jean"

"I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes."

"If Donald Trump was a fruit what would he be? A walnut."

"Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Adam Levine walk into a bar.. ..and it burns to the ground and it's finally safe to turn the radio back on."