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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why everyone is so upset about the rioting in Ferguson The rest of America is going to do the exact same thing on Friday, they just got a head start on holiday shopping."

"I once shot an unarmed man Well I was the one to shoot of both his arms but still..."

"I think money attracts the females you want, struggle attracts the woman you need."

"Hello, Room service? Yes, in order to make my fort structurally sound I'm gonna need 9 more pillows brought to room 355 Bring ice cream too"

"Next time a dude says ""Pictures or it didn't happen"", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched."

"What do Americans do immediately after winning the World Cup (Soccer)? Turn off the Playstation."

"I love cliffhangers ..."

"I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things."

"Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich? That's what its like to fuck a 90 year old"

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"".. ..is a shitty way to tell a kid they're adopted"