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Joke of the Day

"Next time a dude says ""Pictures or it didn't happen"", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched."

"I just finished arguing with a friend who thought that Charlize's role as Aeon Flux was much better than her role as Imperator Furiosa. I guess to each Theron."

"I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk."

"Just once, I'd like to wake my girlfriend up with up with oral sex... ...but she never sleeps with her mouth open."

"Hey beautiful, is your Dad in prison? Because if I was your Father I would be.."

"No one seems to care how NYC's smallest residents are handling this heatwave, which is why I'm asking you to join my Shave The Rats campaign"

"What do a porn star and an IT security analyst have in common? Both do penetration testing."

"My friend is agoraphobic... ..it pairs nicely with his obsessive nudism."

"Why did the farmer name his pig ""pork Chop"" Because 'Bacon' was already taken."

"The irony of war is that The ones who are right are the ones left."