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Joke of the Day

"As I waved my gun in their faces, I thought to myself ""What kinda weird bank has children, clowns, presents, & balloons all over the place?"""

"Charlie Sheen is like Ash Ketchum BeBecause they both catch things"

"Whenever my wife forces me to write my own message on a bday card, I write it on top of her's and copy exactly what she wrote."

"I drink Rockstar cause I'm a rockstar. My wife drinks Monster."

"Taking pictures with an iPad is the new fanny pack."

"A math teacher invented something. A math teacher invented the worlds first underwater bulldozer. He called it his 'Sub-tractor.'"

"One of my friends maintains that tomorrow doesn't come until you've have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. He also maintains that it's September 7th, 1998."

"me: ""i re-wrote pulp fiction"" director: ""wow ok"" [reads script] ""this is literally just pulp fiction"" me: ""i didnt say it was different"""

"Man: ILYWoman: Awww write the words in full they mean more when theyre written properlyMan: Im leaving you"

"For Christmas this year I'm going to pay my bills and look at pictures of Europe and cry."