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Joke of the Day

"One of my friends maintains that tomorrow doesn't come until you've have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. He also maintains that it's September 7th, 1998."

Next Joke
 
"Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb I said, ""Awww, are you an orphan""? He said, ""Yes, what gave me away?"" I said, ""Your parents."""
"It's incredible how many movies and tv-shows use Sandstorm by Darude in their soundtracks. YouTube commenters have been surprisingly helpful sourcing this information."
"Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn,..... Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn, I can hear it in the kitchen. Husband: I'm not, it's Sharapova vs Serena."
"Hey vegans. Making a salad is not ""cooking"". Making a salad is ""assembling""."
"In titanic Jack could of lived..... But Rose just like taking more wood than she should"
"Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich? That's what its like to fuck a 90 year old"
"Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends? He was way too autistic for his own good."
"Can a match box no, but a tin can ;)"
"[using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... ""what the hell?"" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]"