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Joke of the Day

"What's black and taps on the window? A baby in the microwave :)"

"A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked but don't worry, another study says you're just being paranoid."

"My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise."

"If I had a dollar for everytime I had an existential crisis it wouldnt matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless."

"TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically."

"Drew Barrymore is so hot. That's why E.T. is one of my favorite movies."

"You love him. Your parents approve him. He buys you flowers and chocolate. He wrote you a poem that rhymes ""wood"" with ""food."""

"If I died and went directly to hell it would take me a month to realize I wasn't at work."

"*pulls away from kissing* JUDGE: That was unexpected and kind of nice, but you're still guilty."

"There was a documentary on TV about the world's smallest car. I couldn't get into it."