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Joke of the Day
"Raise your hands if you just completed a gymnastics routine."
Next Joke
"I put my grandma on speed dial. Instagram is a thing, right?"
"Not to brag or anything, but I scored 4 points on flappy bird before my phone mysteriously flung itself across the room"
"So Nickelback is playing a flood relief concert for Alberta. Like those folks haven't suffered enough."
"They can identify a dead body by its dental records. How cool is that? ""We don't know who he is, but we know his dentist!"""
"Wife at dinner party: ""my husband is always calling me Sarah Palin"" Guests: ""that's funny, why does he call you Sarah Palin?"" Wife: ""because he hates Sarah Palin."""
"Why is one floor taller than the rest of the floors in the building? It's a long story."
"On the bright side, I'm relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists."
"New Neighbor: Hi, I'm Derek; I moved in downstairs. Me: I'm Spencer; I'll be looking in your window and judging your decorating choices."
"Don't go over-analyzing my statuses. If I made sense all the time I wouldn't need to be here so much."