155455

Joke of the Day

"My friend went to the doctor... because he woke up and his penis was orange. The doctor took one look at it and said,""John you've been watching porn and eating cheetos again haven't you?"""

"Only a few of you have figured out that in every tweet I've ever written I've been subtweeting Pitbull."

"so a comedian is sent out in war he ends up doing puns of damage to the enemy"

"It's been so hot lately, so I finally got a new AC... and i nicknamed it DIRK cuz it's so clutch against the heat."

"Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine."

"Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash."

"If a giant capture you and me and made a smoothie out of us, what would it taste like? It would taste like ""just us""."

"The difference between an alcoholic and a drunk is staggering."

"Have you heard about the calculus professor who tried some bad amphetamines and ended up believing he was a moth? It's the old meth math moth myth."

"Who was the world's greatest thief ? Atlas because he held up the whole world !"