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Joke of the Day

"What does Sean Connery call a greedy oyster? Shellfish."

"Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up"

"If you woke up in the woods with a handful of leaves and a condom hanging out of your butt, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping?"

"Does advertisement work? Just did."

"Two cannibals are eating Dane Cook. One says to the other, ""does this taste funny"", the other replies ""No""."

"How is life at the post office going? It's going well I guess. It has its usps and it's downs. Edited for correctness"

"What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil Serpent"

"So I heard they built a gayporn production facility on the CERN-compound... Apparently it's called the ""Large Hardon Collider""."

"Why do bees hum? Because they can't remember the lyrics"

"What do Leonardo DiCaprio & anyone who buys a Powerball ticket have in common? Their odds of winning are the same"