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Joke of the Day

"FRIEND: do u want to hang out this weekend ME: generic excuse FRIEND: did u just say ""generic excuse"""

"I'm sorry, we can't hire you. But your background check was hilarious."

"an elephant never forgets.. so my dick remembers everything. credit goes to Childish gambino."

"For $11, you can come to my house and watch me shave. The plot is a little weak, but the 3D effects are amazing."

"A lettuce, a tomato and a pumpkin had a race The pumpkin fell down squash. The tomato tried to ketchup, but the lettuce came out ahead"

"Four stages of my life: 1. Life is beautiful. 2. What is twitter? 3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life?"

"I'm always careful with women that do not speak to me even after the 4th date."

"I Left My Job I used to be a banker but I left because I lost interest."

"Everybody who believes in telekinesis raise MY right hand."

"I'm here to make a monthly joke April Fools."