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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry, we can't hire you. But your background check was hilarious."

"Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine."

"(original) I just got my flu shot and tried to draw something, but it still looks shitty. I thought it was supposed to make me artistic?"

"What do you call a cancer doctor who works 24/7? An on-call-ogist"

"I'm really regretting getting that discount circumcision... ...it was a total rip-off!"

"I had never woken up to a blowjob before That is the last time I sleep with my mouth open on the subway!"

"Saint Peter in Heaven So, I was in the mood for some ""Saint Peter in the gates of Heaven"" jokes... Anyone have something?"

"Why can't Two-Face kill Batman? Because he's two Dents."

"Almost 65% of statistics are made up. The other half are lies."

"Why Can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is Silent!"