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Joke of the Day

"My questionnaire for teenage girls: 1. can you not 2. do you even 3. whatever"

"The Bible is a fascinating book It's fascinating how a book with so much sex and violence can be so boring"

"""That looks interesting. I think I'll eat it."" - Sharks and Toddlers"

"The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building."

"My first child will be named New Folder."

"I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson."

"Why can't a W-boson get a girlfriend? He can't even last a femtosecond!"

"Religion is like AIDS. Keep it to yourself."

"What does the unemployed starving man ask his rich baker friend? I just need some bread"

"The neighbors are still looking for their dog. That shit was good"