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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a vegan zombie? A no-brainer."

"I made homemade soup with the immersion blender, mostly so that I have something to talk about for the next five days."

"thinking of calling crepes ""frenchiladas"" from now on who's with me"

"The worst thing about Muhammad Ali sending a ""Tweet"" to Mayweather . . . Ali couldn't type it and Mayweather couldn't read it."

"I hate when people say, ""You barely touched your food"" like what do you want me to do stroke it?"

"What do you call a bear that's questioning their sexuality? A bipolar bear."

"I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink. I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right."

"What's the difference between a truck full of marbles and a truck full of babies? You can't unload a truck full of marbles with a pitchfork."

"Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at."

"When I was a single man, I had an incredible amount of spare time. Since I started listening to full albums I'm always stuck in my room."