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Joke of the Day

"When I was a single man, I had an incredible amount of spare time. Since I started listening to full albums I'm always stuck in my room."

"Poop in the sink Shit will solve itself."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment."

"Happy New year America! from your friend Australia. Don't worry I expect it'll take about 18 or so hours for you to get this."

"most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you"

"Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job."

"How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)"

"OH MY GOD EDDIE MURPHY IS GOING TO DO STAND UP I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT oh never mind they're going to commercial. #SNL40"

"How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar? They both come in little cans."

"""I want a lady in a sheet and a creak in the bed"" -haunted house designer"