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Joke of the Day

"I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink. I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right."

"You could film me for a month and still not have enough footage for a 30 second 'Rocky training' typed montage of my productiveness at work."

"Oh is it really raining outside? Please post a status update for all of us with no windows."

"If a letter sounds like its name... ...is it an LMNOP-uh?"

"How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but it takes an entire emergency room to get it out."

"Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll crash and burn."

"I get so excited every time I see an armored car but then, guess what, no heist."

"Don't even talk to me unless you're an actual cup of coffee. In which case I'd listen to your story as I slowly sip the life from you."

"What do you call a woman with an opinion?? Wrong"

"Have you heard of the, great, ancient Greek philosopher Mediocrates? His primary philosophical viewpoint is ""eeeeehhh"""