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Joke of the Day

"Just got put on a watchlist by the NSA for using the man-with-a-turban emoji."

"Why don't blind people sky-dive? (from ""Money Train"") Because it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"It sucks that bowtie pasta is the only edible formal wear my grocery store carries."

"I told my barber that I didn't like the way he cut my hair. He said ""don't worry, it will grow on you."""

"How much longer? Did you bring any snacks? They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet? - me watching my kids Christmas pageant"

"Saw a ""Toby Keith's I Love This Bar"" that went out of business. Apparently he was the only one."

"My wife is a liar! Last night I texted her and asked here where she was, she said with her sister Emma. I was with her sister Emma!!"

"Whats similar between a non alcoholic beer and your sisters pussy Tastes right but feels wrong"

"What does it sound like when a Pterodactyl urinates? There is no sound... The P is silent."

"For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more ""Missing in Action"" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed."