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Joke of the Day

"""Pasta la veista, baby"" -Arnold Schwarzenoodles"

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"KING SOLOMON: I shall cut it in two, half for each of you. WOMAN: sure ME: OH GOD NO! KING SOLOMON: ok this is clearly your meatball sub."
"How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them."
"If my dad was president of this country... There would be no Isis. It would be Waswas. Dad walked in to the kitchen and dropped this on me."
"Why can't T-Rexs clap their hands? Because they're all dead"
"She let me ram that ass shit was so cache"
"I like to pretend I'm on ""American Idol"" by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot."
"What's the difference between a stripclub and a circus? One has cunning stunts and the other has stunning cunts."
"How often does the vampire go down on his wife? Periodically"
"What is the difference between a blonde and a hen? The blonde doesn't sit still when she is on eggs."