203099

Joke of the Day

"Being molested by a teacher is twice as bad for home-schooled kids."

"How much lube does the Hamburglar need to fuck his kinky girlfriend? About a quart to pound her with cheese."

"I just had sex with a woman who was 101 years old. In binary."

"I got in a fight with Dwayne Johnson. As I threw the first punch, he turned around on the spot. And that, that is when I knew I'd hit rock bottom."

"There Once Was A Poet Named Bates His poems weren't always first rate, His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had, Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line."

"TIFU at Subway - accidentally sent someone to the ER Oops, wrong sub"

"*wakes up before alarm goes off* please be 5am please be 5am *checks time* 2:34pm, februrary 25, 2054. NOOOOOOOOO"

"Why did I throw my phone out of my window? Because I turned on airplane mode, and thought it would turn my Iphone into a plane..."

"What did the Criminal call his new pretzel company? Assault and Buttery"

"My Vietnamese roommate is moving to Vegas (giving me a place to crash in Vegas), and leaving behind a full bedroom set for free... This is a real Nguyen-Nguyen situation for me."