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Joke of the Day

"Apparently someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds in London Poor guy"

"Why is Arjen Robben not being invited to Alfredo Di Stefanos funeral? They're scared he'll try to dive in the box."

"COP: do you know why I pulled you over? COP'S WIFE: *now next to him on the couch* Because you're scared of the movie COP: Yes it's too real"

"If I was a pug, nobody would give me funny looks for slobbering in public or eating food off the floor."

"Woman hit by train Whats a train doing in a kitchen? (Sexist but creative, not meant to offend anyone.)"

"My friend said that onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I killed his mom with a coconut."

"Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks. It was the 2nd grossest taste I've ever had in my mouth. (No offense, Andrea.)"

"The patriots must be feeling pretty deflated right about now."

"What's a Grecian Urn? About 75 cents an hour."

"Waiter waiter does the pianist play requests? Yes sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal."