155017

Joke of the Day

"Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has ""rehydration specialist"" listed on his LinkedIn profile?"

"Her: I have a marathon coming. Me: Ooh, which show?"

"What is the fakest part of Skyrim? The fact that red guards can swim."

"Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide."

"why would you steal a baby at least steal something good like a truck or a dolphin"

"""More like LOTION pictures!"" - awkward conversation in an adult movie theater before the show starts"

"I accidentally watched some gay porn last night... ... it was the worst 28 minutes of my life."

"My dad called me a fool for taking a job at the penny factory. But the truth is it makes a lot of cents."

"I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs. ""No,"" she said, taking a sip of her water. I said, ""Well, you have now."""

"If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice."