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Joke of the Day

"If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice."

"*affixes a second leash to a hot babes dog while shes tying her shoe* would you look at that. we have the exact same dog. this is incredible"

"Knock knock Who's there? The pilot, let me in."

"You don't need to wear clothes in public if you can run fast enough."

"It's the year 2057, humans are shaped like candy canes from years of looking down at their phones. Striped-clothing is always in fashion."

"Why is Edward Snowden still in Russia? The airport is Snowden"

"Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? 'Cause they all have phones!"

"When someone tells you to ""get a Life,"" just take theirs. They'll be happy you took their advice, and you'll be happy they're dead."

"*holds ""bunny ears"" over someone's head for five hours as they have their portrait painted*"

"So today I was setting up a password for an account with my wife, and I put, ""Mypenis,"" as the password, and my wife fell on the ground laughing because on the screen said, ""Error. Not long enough."""