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Joke of the Day

"[TIL] Subway uses artificial chemicals to keep their bread fluffy! Ooops, wrong sub!"

"What do you call a dumb elephant? Donald Trunk"

"Can you describe the man who did this *me crying* ""he was a meanie head"" No describe his face, sir *clenches fist* ""He had a stupid face"""

"What did the dominatrix say to Dwayne Johnson before they got started? I'm about to be peoples elbow deep in the rocks bottom."

"What do you call a cow that can't moo? A milk dud Credit to my 5 year old nephew"

"How do you make an octopus laugh? Give it ten tickles!"

"A woman with a strong accent walks into a bar. Going in to order a drink, she asks for a beer. The bartender says ""Anheizer Busch?"" The woman says: ""Good! And how's your prick?"""

"[train] GUY: Please take my seat. ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you. GUY: How far along are you? ME: 5 stops."

"Dad, was I a cocky teenager? Only when you watched Baywatch in your pyjam.... DAAAD!"

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day."