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Joke of the Day

"SON: Mom, Grandma is so annoying, I wish she will just die. MOTHER: Idiot, it's your mother that will die, not mine."

"I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet."

"Jose Mourinhio The Special One....... David Moyes The Chosen One..... Fellipe Scholari Seven One."

"Why did the farmer get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."

"Micromanager Knock Knock Who's there? Micromanager. Now, you say 'micromanager who?'"

"My urge to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away"

"Eating a box of Thin Mints doesn't make you thin. Apparently."

"What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea? I've never had a lima bean on my face."

"Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today."

"The new fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account."