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Joke of the Day

"Relationships are a lot like algebra. You look at X and try to figure out Y."

"Whats the difference between a gun and a feminist? A gun only has one trigger"

"I went to Google and searched ""synonym for ambiguous"" but the result was inconclusive."

"Two kids were walking home.... The one kid ask the other, ""Do you believe in the devil?"" The second kid reply's ""Of course not. It's all silly. The devil is like Santa, it's always your Dad."""

"Why can't t-rexs do push ups? Because they have been extinct for 65 million years."

"Helen Hunt but only when Helen hungry."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local school? It's okay, he woke up."

"I hope this year they have the courage to legalize diarrhea."

"Some parents count to 10 to get their kids to behave. I use a similar technique where I string out crime scene tape and fire up a chainsaw."

"*talking into the phone, loudly enough that I know those ladies can hear me* WHATS THAT? MY SPACESHIP IS READY? GREAT, THANKS BARACK. OBAMA."