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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cracked window? A pane in the glass."

"So my wife said to me, ""I swear, it's like all men share one brain"" I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain"

"What did Hillary Clinton say when she got to the restaurant? ""Can I have a private server?"""

"I'm not here to make FRIENDS - David Schwimmer on his day off (it is 1996 in this tweet)"

"What is the quietest place on Earth? The complaint department at a parachute packing company."

"I'm tired of saving Daylight... You would think that saving his ass every year you would at least deserve a 'thank you'"

"My sister said she had strange cravings and an enhanced sense of smell so she must be pregnant, but I secretly thought, ""werewolf."""

"How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb? When this gets 700 up votes I'll let you know"

"I got my head cut off [removed]"

"[arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day."