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Joke of the Day

"It's funny how you become mom's new favorite when your sibling is in jail."

"Did you hear about the scarecrow who won a Nobel prize? I heard he was outstanding in his field."

"My attempt at a Mitch Hedberg joke ""Why are people always having their pizzas delivered? Just order them without liver."""

"In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said ""You're the Obi Wan for me"" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience."

"A jew buys a round of drinks for the entire bar ."

"What's Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking. J.K. Rolling"

"If you zoom out during the opening credits of ""Friends,"" you'll see that the security guard who protects that fountain is DEAD."

"What does a bag of rice and an onion do when they get into a fast car? They pilaf. I'll show my way out"

"My only talent is sleeping I could do it with my eyes closed."

"A male honeybee's only job is to stay in the hive and impregnate the queen... American response: ""Those lucky bastards!"" British response: ""Those poor bastards..."""